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The Masculinity & People-Pleasing, Anxiety & Perfectionism...

Your Judgment is the #1 tool for directing your Masculine Energy. If you Judge your Judgments, you're robbing the World of the Creative Power of Masculinity.


The #1 tool of the Masculine for his evolution is Judgment.

Judgment is the beginning of all his Leadership.


All these are symptoms of suppressed Masculine Energy, or Judgment:


1. People-pleasing

2. Perfectionism

3. Anxiety & Depression

4. Anger Outbursts

5. Seeking External Approval


Why?


Because they're all coming from the Man's Dissociation from his Judgment.

He's Judging his Judgment.


Because he learned that his Judgment is harmful.


He learned, that the penetrative energy generated with his Judgment is hurtful under all conditions.


Maybe he learned it from observing his parents, maybe from his past relationships, maybe the society he lives in.


"If I judge, I hurt others."

(The most brutal example of this I've experienced is a 32yrs old man who told me: "Masculinity is destructive, therefore I'm a feminist.")


So he turned his Judgment against himself, so he protects the world from it.


And since deeply internalized beliefs flow in both directions, now he truly believes that Judgments of others are hurtful for him as well.


So he doesn't Judge and makes sure he's always correct, safe, diplomatic, doing things "right".


He keeps his own Judgment under control by constantly Judging himself.


Internally, his Masculine Core is trapped.

Externally, he lives out of fear.


And he's stuck.


1. People-pleasing. He's so afraid of Judgments of others, that he's anticipating other's reactions and emotions and preventively takes care of them by saying & doing the "right" things, just not to make anyone upset. He's doing this automatically, taking for granted that "Judgment is hurtful." In his life, he doesn't play to win. He plays not to lose.


2. Perfectionism. Since no matter how much he tries to please others, his Fear of Judgment of others never truly leaves. So he'll try harder and harder. And when there's nowhere to go anymore, he'll try even harder. And when he reaches his limit, he'll try even harder. To the point, when he will Judge himself out of taking any action whatsoever; and then beat himself up for what a loser he is: more self-directed Judgment.


3. Anxiety & Depression. This creates unbearable pressure on the emotional system, leading to endless overthinking & anxiety. And since this is a dead-end strategy, it only leads to more frustration. Increasing hopelessness and despair lead to depression.


4. Anger Outbursts. But he can't just turn the life off. He has to keep going. Colleagues. Family. Friends. Bosses. Kids. His Judgments are there, bubbling in the pressure cooker. And when he can't take it anymore, he explodes. But since he sees the explosion as his failure to suppress his Judgment and live up to the expectations of others, he turns more Judgment against himself - to keep himself in check. And he keeps on going.


5. Seeking External Approval. Since Judgment is destructive and therefore wrong, a sure way to know he's doing good is the absence of Judgment. If he is loved and liked by others, then he must be doing things right. No judgment from the outside. That's his measure of success.


You won't heal this condition by inviting more Love and Light into your life so you can heal out of your Judgments.


Because having Judgments is not the problem.


The problem is you're rejecting your Judgments.

The solution is not to Judge less, but to Judge more.


Especially those around you, who are trying to tell you that you're evil unless you submit, that there's something wrong with you unless you're not happy all the time, that you're not complete unless you heal the last piece of Judgment that's in you.


That Judgment, my man, is your trapped Masculinity.

Because guess what...


When you're free to Judge others, you give them freedom to Judge you, and you're okay being you - let whoever thinks whatever.


People-pleasing solved.


When you're free to Judge and give this freedom to others, you don't have to chase impossible to standards for others to like you.


Perfectionism solved.


When you're free to Judge, you don't have to say, do, and perform the "right" things for others not to offend them all the time.


Anxiety & Depression solved.


When you're free to Judge, you can stand up for yourself and act upon disrespect, and you don't accumulate anger.


Anger outbursts solved.


When you're free to Judge, and you're not busy pleasing others, you start doing what matters to YOU. You give yourself approval (or not) based on YOUR metrics: your Vision & Purpose.


Seeking External Approval solved.


Your Judgment is the beginning of your Masculine Energy driving the process of Creation.


Judgment leads to Preference.

Preference leads to Decision.

Decision leads to Leadership.


And Leadership directs the Energy into Creation.

Your Judgment is the #1 tool for directing your Masculine Energy.

If you Judge your Judgments, you're robbing the World of your Masculinity.


And we don't need less Masculinity today.

We need more.



 

The author is Maros Cincura, a Men's Relationship Coach.

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