"Once I resolved the erection problems for good, s€x got way better than anything I’ve ever experienced before in my life. It’s now playful, I can be more of myself, not having to think about my performance whatsoever, and, even the girl enjoys it so much more!
My pride made me believe that I had to be perfect. In fact, that was my way of avoiding tension. If I weren’t perfect, I was instantly ashamed. I kept it a secret and created massive blockages around this.
Not even viagra worked as the root cause was in my head, not in physiology. And now it’s all gone. You helped me to see what was really going on under the surface and let all of that crap go.
I feel like I unlocked a whole new dimension with this!"
Andrew was feeling a lot of shame and loneliness.
Feeling as if he's the only man with erectile dysfunction.
The truth is, though, that what he was doing was very common.
For a contrast, let's have a look at what needs to happen to trigger lack of erection.
Here's the 8-steps recipe for creating erectile dysfunction:
1. Find a woman that you really like and care for.
2. Try to avoid vulnerability as much as possible.
3. Expect yourself to be a Perfect lover, blowing her mind with everything you do and say. Make yourself believe that it's what she also expects from you.
4. Forget about the fact, that you'll never be perfect. Instead, use fear of failure to try harder. Ideally, generate anxiety in your body.
5. Get in your head as much as possible, being ready to problem-solve any technical difficulty that can possibly arise in the process of sex.
6. Get ready for the performance. Rehearse all scenarios, mitigate risks, and DO NOT RELAX whatever it takes, make sure you're zoomed in at all times.
7. You're ready. At this stage, your nervous system should be agitated enough to cut off the feeling/energy flow from your penis completely and your perfection mindset should safely ensure self-sabotage. Erection should now be impossible.
8. [optional] Once you don't get erection, make sure to beat yourself up, and suppress all feelings of shame and guilt. Don't tell anyone and certainly don't ask for help, because that might resolve the problem. Rather, commit to trying EVEN HARDER the next time.
9. [optional] Repeat as necessary.
This is exactly what Andrew was doing.
Erectile dysfunction was not a problem.
It was a symptom of a problem.
Andrew was too busy trying to be a perfect lover in order to avoid rejection. Too busy to relax, feel his body and enjoy making love with his woman. Vulnerability for him was a threat. That's what he learned during his childhood and reinforced in his previous relationship.
He wanted to make everything perfect for the woman, so he doesn't reexperience the pain he had in the past. Anytime there was a possibility of emotional tension, his brain went into overdrive and he tried harder, further disconnecting from his body.
The real problem was Andrew's pattern of avoiding emotional tension:
- Tension from being honest about how he feels.
- Tension from the unknown outcome after stepping into vulnerability.
- Tension from the possible failure.
His chasing Perfectionism resulted in an agitated super-analytical mode of existence and complete disconnection from his body.
His body was in so much Fear, that it literally refused to do that which it was designed to do FOR PLEASURE and FURTHER CREATION. And since he had been operating in that way for years, he normalized it.
A lot of men help themselves deal with tension using drugs.
So did Andrew.
Just like Alcohol chemically creates a temporary "confidence boost", Viagra chemically creates a temporary erection boost.
(That's why the Viagra market thrives and keeps growing (est. CAGR 8,5% from 2022-2030).)
For Andrew, luckily, it wouldn't work anymore.
The erection problem isn't there to ruin man's life.
It's there to wake him up.
Most men don't want to wake up, so they snooze and get some viagra.
That's why the market is thriving.
But some of them don't.
Just like Andrew.
They learn to handle and enjoy tension, regulate their nervous systems and emotions, and experience pleasure beyond what they were able to imagine before.
And because tension skills are universal to male Confidence, their their body, business, and social life improves as well.
Because your ability to handle and enjoy tension is directly proportionate to your Natural Masculine Confidence.
All it takes is the courage to ask for help and step into the unknown.
It has been 3 years since my work with Andrew and he hasn't had the erection problem again.
If you want to understand better emotional tension and how it relates to Masculine Confidence and Leadership, watch this Masterclass.