Updated: Sep 14
There is no man walking on the Earth who hasn't experienced fear of rejection from a woman he came to meet.
Especially when there's something about her you really like.
You're so attracted to her, that you want to make a perfect approach.
The more you want to do it right though, the stronger the fear of doing it wrong becomes.
That's the Law of Polarity in action.
In the worst case, you end up trying to come up with something special so hard, that after a few minutes of frustration you don't even know what your name is.
You were feeling good just seconds before.
Now, when you're supposed to take the first step, your mind becomes completely empty and it feels like shit.
You're overanalyzing, procrastinating, and missing the opportunity completely.
If you're experiencing this too often, here's the reason why.
With the intent to approach a girl, risking rejection is inevitable.
With that intention crossing your mind, your mind automatically brings up memories from the past, when you had experienced rejection.
You'll try to perfect the approach to avoid rejection by anticipating her reaction.
Since you don't know the girl, you can't possibly figure it out from the information available to you.
Because you don't have enough resources to draw a satisfying conclusion. Every failed attempt to figure it out will increase your anxiety and despair.
And finally, you will rationalize not taking action:
"This wasn't the right time. Next time, I'll do it for sure!"
Only to do the same thing all over again.
If you're experiencing this, know that nothing is wrong with you. You just don't know how to handle and enjoy emotional tension. Maybe you don't have inner tools like handling the tension in your body, maybe it's the outer tools like masculine communication. Either way, both of these can be learned and resolved.
(If you want to understand how my clients broke this pattern and created transformations with women and in their business careers, watch this free training.)
The best place to start is shifting a belief about approaching women:
There's nothing wrong with approaching a girl in public and talking to her honestly and respectfully about the fact that there is something you like about her.
It's no different than going to a supermarket and buying a banana.
Or a yogurt.
You guys are two human beings of the opposite sex and the fact that one of you is attracted to the other for some reason has been normal for the last couple of million years.
And that's not going to change anytime soon.
If she's single, she WANTS to be approached.
She complains to her friends that good and courageous men died. She dreams of being seen for all the beauty that's in her, for all work she has done in front of the mirror and in the gym and the dress store, etc.
(Even if she's taken, she STILL WANTS to be approached. She will most likely reject your efforts to go deeper, but you'll lift make her day AND feel good about standing up for yourself.)
So how to approach a girl you like?
It's easy, all you need to do is this: 1. Know what is your intent (what you want),
2. Know what you genuinely appreciate about her and
3. Know what you're curious about her.
That's it. Nothing else.
Be respectful and honest.
Before you do any approach at all, look at her, then look inside and ask yourself:
"What do I appreciate about her?
What am I curious about her?
And what do I want from this interaction?"
And then come to her, ask her if she has a minute, and tell her.
Yes, just tell her.
You don't have to be special, good-looking, super-smart, or hyper-muscular.
You just have to be true to yourself and show up.
What if you still don't know?
Then you shouldn't approach, because you're in it to boost your ego.
But if you do know (what you appreciate about her, what you're curious about her, and what you want from the interaction), then you're a man with a vision, in truth and in integrity.
When you approach, you show up in your truth.
Now you're a light-year ahead of pickup artists who are approaching her with fake lines.
Mature women can recognize that from 1 kilometer!
When you approach a girl with integrity, you can't lose because:
You will either enjoy the chat and leave because you don't want to take this any further,
Or you will enjoy the chat and get her number to follow up and then connect,
Or you will not enjoy the chat but still feel good that you overcame your fear, stayed true to yourself, and showed up.
I love seeing men doing this shift.
From trying to please others to just being themselves, discovering what they want, embracing it, and asking for it unapologetically.
You'll keep doing it over and over again until it becomes your standard.
The ripple effect goes to business, dating, relationships, and overall everyday well-being.
I love doing this work with men, and I love seeing them getting results - approaching women with confidence, being open about their intent, and having more physical and emotional intimacy than ever.
I want my guys to get results.
Specific and measurable in the physical world.
No philosophical discussion over the relativity of the truth.
I don't do that.
I create results.
So if you want results, I'm your guy.
Reach out and let's have a chat.
If you want to understand how my clients break the pattern of avoiding tension and create transformations with women in dating and long-term relationships and in their business careers, watch this free training.
How do I approach a girl I like?
First, find what it is that attracted you to her in the first place. Second, look inside and find what sparks your curiosity about this girl. Third, get real about your intention - why do you want to approach? Do you want to see if you'll enjoy the interaction to decide if you want her number? Do you just want to express a compliment and go? What is it? When you know the answers, approach the girl, ask if she has a minute, and share that with her honestly and respectfully. That's it. It will always be unique because it will always come from inside you.
Why do I overthink approaching a girl I like?
Because it's a defense mechanism against the pain of rejection. You want to do it perfectly so that you don't get rejected. You ignore your genuine truth, and you want to artificially make it better than it is. Your mind thinks to avoid the shame of rejection and it wants to eliminate fully but no matter how hard it tries, it never succeeds. So it tries harder and harder - that's overthinking.
What if I look like a creep?
Fear of "looking like a creep" is a fear of judgment, fear of disapproval. The truth is, approaching a woman in a respectful and honest way is far from being a creep. It's being true to yourself. She has a right to reject you, let her decide. If someone judges you for that, it's their problem. Very few men do this today, so you'll be admired, rather than judged.