Once people-pleasing becomes a choice, everything changes...
I am a proud people-pleaser.
But it wasn't always the case.
I used to hate myself for it.
Because I felt I had no choice.
I was an unconscious people-pleaser.
I was pleasing others so I can feel good about myself.
"If I become everything, that others wanted me to be, I'll be safe in the world."
At first, I couldn't even put the last phrase in words, because I didn't understand what I was doing.
I was just walking around the world, feeling anxious, worried about what "they will think", all while being a victim, storing massive repressed anger at the injustice I got to experience in the world.
This is how bad it was:
Once I had a workshop for a high-level job interview.
One night before the workshop, I woke up in the middle of the night, and half-sleeping I ran out of my room in my pyjamas towards the elevator.
"What the hell am I doing?"
I stopped running and woke up at the elevator at 3.30am, sweaty and shaking. I came back, changed clothes, and went to sleep again.
I was afraid of an unpredictable failure and I didn't understand it.
If you experienced an unpredictable environment, and poor boundaries as a child, CPTSD is imprinted deeply in your body.
You end up trying to make others like you all the time, being dead-worried about failing and you won't have any idea why all this is happening.
I tried everything to heal.
I did therapy, coaching and endless seminars.
In my worst, I ended up in psychiatry.
I was an extreme people-pleaser.
And I felt I don't really have a choice.
I hated it and I hated myself for it.
"Why can't I just be myself?"
I wouldn't stop asking...
But luckily, my parents also taught me curiosity and ambition, which helped me to never give up in my fight and keep looking for the answers.
And after years and years of searching, trial & error, and repeated disappointments, I came to peace with myself.
To radically simplify it, here's what I did:
I have discovered and understood my patterns (especially the Nice Guy pattern), governing my CPTSD. Without understanding what I'm doing unconsciously things did not make sense. And whether I do something consciously or unconsciously - I'm the one doing it. And with that came responsibility and empowerment.
I have decided about what I really want. And not just the next shiny object, but my personal vision. I have literally defined what my life would look like in all areas if I could have it any way I want. And I committed to going after that. 1% every day.
I have mastered emotional releasing which allowed me to process emotions and pieces of CPTSD as they come WHILE building my confidence. I got my emotional self-regulation back and I'm able to experience joy and peace just by sitting in the room and meditating.
And it feels AWESOME!
Building the life I want became fun!
(btw. I made a FREE training for guys who are interested in discovering the Natural Masculine Confidence for themselves. Click here and discover the 5-steps-game-plan to shift from overthinking & people-pleasing into authentic & genuine masculine confidence.)
My growth is not happening out of necessity to heal myself anymore, but out of my genuine desire to live a great life.