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So you broke up from a toxic relationship.
Now you're putting yourself back together.
Awesome!
[silence]
I'd get it if you wanted to slap me in the face for the "awesome".
But first, read what Tim has to say about it.
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Timothy, a 36-year-old entrepreneur from Eastern Europe, was in a toxic relationship for 10 years.
Every time his partner experienced discomfort, he was the one to blame.
Being a Nice Guy, his strategy was obvious:
"Be nice and try harder to make her feel less discomfort so he's safe."
But it seemed like there was always something he overlooked, missed, and forgot.
More of her fury kept coming.
Emotional outbursts.
Infinite blaming.
Endless fights.
Having a little daughter with his partner only made everything more intense and worrisome.
Either he was fighting back, trying to defend himself, which made things even worse, or he just "sucked it up", and isolated himself, feeling desperate and failing.
"Whatever I've tried, it was never enough." he would say.
This endless "trying harder" created extreme tension in his physical and emotional body.
When he couldn't handle that anymore, he fell into some of the typical escape mechanisms:
Prostitution and workoholism.
...but not even that was enough of a wake-up call for him.
Constant anxiety, repressed anger and running away from his feelings through the escape mechanisms worsened already existing massive emotional dysregulation.
Health problems showed up.
And then another, physical wake-up call happened:
A stroke.
Now, bear in mind, that this was not sudden.
His body was giving him small signals for years.
But he ignored them.
Just like most Nice Guys, he believed, that if only he tries harder, eventually the world would return him all the favors back.
What did the world return to him?
A stroke.
This was some pretty hardcore tough love straight from the Universe.
This was such a powerful wake-up call for him, that he FINALLY started to question his most basic assumptions and beliefs about how the world works.
He discovered the Nice Guy pattern.
And he made new decisions.
One of them was to finally break up with his ex and never, ever go back.
And then he asked himself:
"Now what?"
A few months later he reached out to me.
We had a long call, and after it finished, he felt angry.
But it was different form of anger.
It wasn't reactive at all, it was calm and grounded.
It was Courage.
He realized the reality of his past years:
"I created this.
I allowed it all to happen.
I am 100% responsible."
This was the moment when he accepted the full responsibility for his reality.
That was the end of blame and the end of his meaningless suffering.
And with that, I knew, that now he could transform.
We got down to work.
The amount of guilt and shame that he had accumulated over the years was unbelievable.
He was so conditioned to move around women and anticipate attacks, that he was completely unable to relax when approaching a woman at all. Before the interaction began, he was already invalidating himself in his head and beating himself up for it. For Tim, the idea of enjoying tension felt completely outrageous!
Little by little, he worked through the layers of repressed emotions.
He improved his ability to step into tension.
And eventually he, also, learned how to enjoy it.
He got in touch with his Natural Masculine Confidence:
His natural ability to lead, handle, and enjoy emotional tension.
And, boy, his results were nothing short of impressive!
First, he became so grounded and confident in his ability to set boundaries with his ex-partner, that she had no longer any power over him. He knew that the only real source of love was inside of him and therefore he stopped engaging in any disempowering conversations at all. Suddenly, many of the fights were resolved, she accepted that it was over and the only conversations they had were about what was best for their daughter. Without drama and with a common goal.
Second, he got back to dating. He started to approach girls, exchange numbers, go on dates, and enjoy emotional and physical intimacy again. His goal was to date women and rediscover on his journey to getting into a new relationship. And man, this guy really dove deep!
I will never forget what he wrote to me after one of his dates:
"Dude, an international supermodel invited me to pose as her husband on a wedding dress photoshoot! Not so bad, right?"
Life of adventure.
Without arrogance.
But with an open heart.
He didn't super compensate his Nice Guy pattern by turning into an Arrogant Macho.
He kept the love, caring, and compassion he always had.
But now he added a pair of balls.
And that allowed him to finally LEAD!
By the way, as he improved his relationship with all feminine, his relationship with his daughter has improved as well. He's more present, more loving, more attuned to her needs, and beautifully connected to her heart:
"Looking back, my biggest gift for her was my own growth!"
And third, his business. Ever since he rediscovered his zest for life that he lost in his previous toxic relationship, his vision for his business expanded by 100x. He gets goosebumps again and again as he connects with his mission. And inevitably, he quickly grew his business by more than 300% in size.
Why?
Because career growth is something that ALWAYS happens if you work on yourself through emotional tension - even if you don't intend it at first.
Needless to say, since our work together he cut off prostitution completely and never went back.
If Timothy's story sounds incredible to you, here's the thing:
He's not special.
He's an average guy like you and me.
Timothy broke up in a toxic relationship and his life was a mess.
Everything looked hopeless and he was desperate.
If I told him: "Awesome!" after he shared with me his problems initially, he would probably slap me in the face.
Today, he's laughing:
"Thank God for everything I went through because if it weren't for those experiences, I would have never discovered who I really am and how simple all of this is!"
Reaching out to me wasn't easy for him, he had a lot on his plate.
And for most of his life, he believed, he had to handle it on his own.
Just opening up and being able to talk about this stuff with me was a crazy amount of tension for him.
But he got his shit together, summoned some courage, and reached out.
The rest, as they say, is history.
Now, can you have the same results as Tim?
The truth is...
...I don't know.
The only way to find out is if you and I get on the call and dig deep to find the root cause of what's happening in your life. If you're serious about your growth, the call will help you discover many answers by just showing up and determined to play full out.
And if I can help you, I will show you what that would look like. If not, I'll recommend you someone who can.
So if you're ready to dig deep and you're determined to find answers to your own tension-avoiding patterns, then don't hesitate and book a call with me right now and we'll see what's possible for you.
PS: Talking about sharing responsibility in the relationship, I want to avoid any perception that I'm giving all responsibility for Tim's misery to his ex-partner. It always takes two to tango. Tim's wife was never responsible for his misery. He had a blueprint in his mind based on his childhood experiences that he recreated in his romantic relationship. He now sees this abusive relationship as a blessing, as it opened for him a way to cut the pattern out of his family after generations, that it was present.
*Client's name was change to protect his privacy.