How accepting and integrating your Masculine Dark Side makes you a more kind, loving, and powerful man.
"...what if, deep down, I'm a monster?"
This is one of the biggest fears of every man who runs a Nice Guy pattern.
He's afraid that he might cause pain to others by WHO HE IS.
Seeing other people's discomfort is so unbearable for him, that he will rather fawn and please them, even at the cost of his own self-sacrifice, just so he doesn't "cause" more pain.
He will continue in a dysfunctional relationship out of obligation. He will lie to his bosses, friends, and family that disrespect him to make sure he's not impolite. And he will be shaking out of fear of being exposed anytime he would have to face emotional tension.
Seems terrible, right?
Not for him, because...
If he set boundaries...
If he shared his truth...
If he showed what he REALLY thinks...
If he honestly asked for what he really desires, he would be seen as arrogant, selfish, evil, self-centered bastard.
He desperately wants to believe, that that's not WHO HE IS.
On the contrary, he wants to believe he's a useful, loving & kind man.
But he had so many experiences in his life (parents, girlfriends, friends, etc.), where people made him feel that they've suffered because of him, that he got confused.
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He started to ask himself:
"What kind of monster am I, that people around me go through so much pain by me just being (who I am)?"
So he decided to reject everything negative about him:
"I'll never cause pain to anyone, ever!"
And he learned to be nice.
Now he's always okay.
He's always happy.
He believes he has his sh*t figured out and he never seems to feel negative emotions.
...and no one has any fu*king clue what's happening inside - including him, because he forgot, that he had created a false persona to cover his EXISTENTIAL SHAME:
"When I'm the source of other people's pain, I'm ashamed of who I am."
Some call it TOXIC SHAME.
He "toughened out" of this shame into a Nice Guy pattern so much, that he disconnected from his own Self.
He is constantly overthinking, because:
"How can I be sure that I won't harm anyone by what I want/do?"
And his best answer is - only by positive feedback from the environment. Getting approved from the outside. Anything that could be disapproved is wrong to him.
So he just goes with the flow.
Living a day-to-day mediocre life.
Day-dreaming about what life would be like if he only were more confident...
Confident in FEELING his positive intention.
Confident in TAKING ACTION towards his dream life.
Confident in his MASCULINE POWER which is rooted in LOVE.