"Masculine energy is destructive. Therefore I'm a feminist."
This was a sad moment for me.
Another emasculated man.
A man, who is afraid and ashamed of being a man. A man, who believes that the his core masculine essence is bad. A man, who secretly believes, he's a Tyrant.
This man is living in an excruciating fear of hurting others. Especially women.
And because he can't deal with so much tension (fear and anxiety will show up as emotional tension), he will form a rational belief system, that will help him behave in a way that protects others (especially women) from his latent destructiveness.
He will do whatever it takes to avoid taking responsibility and with that, he will let others lead him - especially his woman.
Self-castrated mr. Nice Guy.
But hey, he figured it out! He's safe and he even stood up for a better world! ...except his "cause" lies in giving all his power away.
His Protector Role is now filled with protecting others from his own Destructive Self.
So he's running around, all proud about being a feminist, trying to convince the world and himself, that he's not destructive, like those other bad, ugly men.
He became harmless. He has no self-respect And he gets that mirrored everywhere.
No respect from his woman... No respect from his kids... No respect from his team...
But how can he earn any respect at all if his balls are completely off-line?
So now his carefully crafted belief system is failing him:
1. If I am nice everyone will love me and like me. (But they don't, those ungrateful, insensitive pricks.)
2. If I meet other people's needs without them having to ask, they will meet my needs without me having to ask. (But they don't, those selfish, manipulative, egoists.)
3. If I do everything right, I will have a safe and problem free life. (But it's still not it, so I'll try harder.)
(When the world doesn't behave according his beliefs, he starts having all those dark thoughts, but he represses them fast enough to keep the illusion alive.)
The problem is, that if he tries harder, and it still doesn't work (which starts growing over time), the emotional experiences that started this whole show start to show up:
"What's wrong with me?"
And this question reveals his core belief, wrapped in the emotion of existential shame and fear:
"I'm not okay the way I am."
But hey, this is a problem of unresolved trauma in the individual psyche.
It's not a problem of masculinity. "Destructive" masculinity. Masculinity is not destructive at all.
It's the behavior coming from trauma-driven toxic beliefs, that is destructive.
If these are not resolved and integrated, they will be expressed destructively (toxic masculinity) or projected outwards on others, in this case, on half of Earth's population:
"Masculine energy is destructive."
Women don't need less men, and certainly not less masculine men. Women need Masculine Men who have Their Sh*t Together.
We all need Men who are taking Absolute Responsibility (Extreme Ownership) for their lives, Men who can handle and enjoy emotional tension, and Men who have a crystal clear vision of what they want and go after it with Integrity.
These men are capable of Leadership and it shows everywhere: they lead their women, their love life, their families, their work teams, and their communities. They lead others to lead too.
They are respected naturally because they've earned it.
Getting out of the Nice Guy pattern requires understanding the beliefs driving it, learning emotional releasing to handle their thoughts and emotions, and mastering emotional tension.
This is what helps men transform from approval-seeking Nice Guys into approval-giving Dominant Men. This is the kind of masculinity that feels good. And this is the kind of masculinity WE ALL NEED!
If you're interested in this topic, click here and watch my free training, with 5 specific steps for creating personal transformation.