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THERE IS ONE PLACE WHERE YOU CAN'T HIDE THE PATTERN: ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP.
Nice Guy is exceptional in hiding his frustrations, pains, and shame from others and only present the "good and nice" parts of him to the world.
There are many Nice Guys who are successful in business on the outside, their CVs look great, and their Instagram profiles too. But the reality of their internal life is very lonely and anxious, with a lot of shame hidden under the fear of failure.
Many Nice Guys can be so efficient with their fake persona, that it can look like they're good in dating too. They can be charming, they make the girl laugh, but it requires enormous mental effort and emotional sacrifice. They're so tired, that when they're finished with the date, or an extended weekend with a girl, they need to be alone and put themselves together for another full day.
No matter how good Nice Guys are with putting up this fake & nice persona, there is one area in a man's life, where he has no chance to hide the Nice Guy pattern:
Romantic relationship.
Once he's with a person you REALLY care about for longer than a few hours a day every now and then, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep the Nice Guy pattern undercover.
And when they have moved together, that's it.
There's nowhere to hide anymore.
His inability to handle the tension that's required for masculine leadership in a relationship will show up.
He will feel more and more irritated every time he will feel submissive to his woman.
Of course, with that, she will feel more and more uneasy because she will feel unsafe and anxious because now she has to step into the masculine role and lead.
Here's the principle:
The person who handles more tension always determines the outcome of the conversation.
He who determines the outcome of the conversation - leads the conversation.
The romantic relationship always consists of two poles: masculine and feminine.
One is leading and the other one is following.
If he is unable to lead, she will.
She hates it because leading in the relationship goes against her instincts.
He hates it because following in the relationship goes against his instincts.
She will feel like his mother or a roomie and he will feel like castrated.
They both FEEL IT, but they somehow don't have words for it.
Now, there are a few options of what can happen, from a man's perspective.
1. He will fight to win.
He will fight to prove that he didn't do anything wrong.
He will feel like she's constantly accusing him, blaming him, and judging his actions.
He will try to prove to her that he has good intentions and he never wanted to hurt her.
She will never understand because she's not accusing, she's just sharing her emotions to the best of her ability.
Meaningless fights, one after another.
Both will defend themselves, believing the other one is attacking.
He will fight her into complete submission and loss of her femininity to preserve his ego, turning into an arrogant macho he was afraid to become in the first place.
Or he will be the one who submits and deepen his emasculation (next 2 points).
2. He learns how to cope with his emasculation.
He accepts her blame, criticism, and accusations, give up to emasculation and loss of personal freedom, compensating his loss of dignity with his male friends.
He will come to believe that those negative aspects of the relationship is just "part of the relationship".
"You either suck it up, or you're single."
He will settle for a chronic tension and unresolved issues in the relationship and believe he's better than fighting and gradually withdraw from the relationship.
The relationship will be gradually stripped of all passion, spark, and emotional connection, and the lovers will become roommates. He will avoid her because it's uncomfortable but he doesn't know how to deal with that and he will be complaining to his male friends (in the worse case - female friends) about what an unintelligent and unreasonable woman he's with in order to feel some relief.
He will normalize his lack of masculinity and leadership as a "that's how she is" and "that's how life works".
3. He makes her responsible for his emasculation and repeats the pattern in the next relationship.
He will feel emasculated and submissive in the relationship. When she does not respond to his efforts, he puts the responsibility for all that goes wrong on her, breaks up with her, and repeats the cycle with another woman.
He will be feeling gradually more and more uneasy, and since he's unable to resolve those issues, he will come to believe, that it's because of "her broken personality" and "her issues".
He will gradually disconnect and plan the break-up because he believes that being with another woman will be a solution.
He will break up, find another woman and repeat the same cycle all over again.
He will be repeating the same mistakes over and over again until he becomes frustrated enough to make a self-reflection and see that there is ONE common denominator to all his failed dates and relationships:
Himself.
He is recreating those situations.
Not because he's broken.
Not because he has bad genes.
But because he is running a mental pattern that used to serve him when he was a child, and he refuses to learn the lesson so it repeats over and over again.
Without your masculine leadership in your relationship, it will always be a struggle.
Without your ability to handle and enjoy the tension, there is no masculine leadership in your relationship.
She will be wearing pants and a tactical backpack, while you're running around in a skirt.
Here's what needs to happen if you want to resolve this for good:
1. You need to radically increase the amount of tension you can handle and enjoy.
2. You need to learn how to deal with your emotions, so you can lead her and create space for her to handle hers.
3. You need to use masculine communication. Masculine communication = leadership. It always leads to an outcome. You lead your woman to express her feelings and you lead her out of communicating in a dysfunctional way for the good of both of you.
If you want to understand the Nice Guy pattern in depth and have a clear strategy to overcome it, download my free e-book with case studies, examples, strategies, and the in-depth understanding you need to fully recover your natural masculine confidence.