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How the Father Wound is Transferred to Men Through Generations

The Father-Son relationship plays incredibly important role in how Man will Lead himself & his woman and how it will affect his Romantic Relationships.




Every Man's highest need is Respect & Honor.

It's what his Masculine Core needs the most.


When a Man, who is in touch with his Masculine Core, experiences disrespect, he naturally feels Irritation.


He feels it in his body, something is off.


E.g.: Man feels this when his woman blames him, criticizes him, judges him, tells him to change, what to do, etc. - in other words - when she tries to Lead him.


This comes with an Instinctual impulse from his body: Irritation.

Now, man HAS TO and WILL react to the Irritation.


He does it in one of 3 ways:


1. Force. He will express his Irritation with Pride & Anger, and become Domineering = to annihilate the disrespect with force. Win-lose strategy.


2. Suppression. He will try to suppress this Irritation out of Shame & Guilt, and becomes Soft/Submissive = to avoid further disrespect, he will be apologetic, self-shaming, and adapt his behavior out of fear. Lose-win strategy.


Btw. this is the Nice Guy's way of maintaining his relationship.


3. Leadership. Man turns his Irritation into Leadership. First, the Irritation turns into a Judgment: "I don't like this." Second, he Leads the other one out of disrespect.


The Man earns Self-Respect for standing up for himself, while earning Respect from the other person for being in integrity and evolving the relationship further.


This is a win-win.

Leadership becomes response to his initial Irritation.


When the Man #3 becomes a Father, he will naturally Lead his son towards the same behavior and become a role model.


Of course, it will be rocky, but the relationship will grow from mutual respect.

And the son can naturally develop in his Masculine Core.


It will then naturally transfer from generation to generation.


However...


WHAT HAPPENS IF a man grows up with a Father who doesn't know how to work through his Irritation?


When a Father is disrespected by his son, he will be - naturally - Irritated.

It's incredibly deep between fathers & sons.


If the Father doesn't know how to turn his Irritation into Leadership, he will act upon his Irritation reactively - out of his own unprocessed Wound and a lack of Leadership.


If the Father is Domineering in the face of his son's disrespect, the son will become Ashamed & Guilty for his own Masculinity and become Soft/Submissive.

He judges his Masculine Core and his own Irritation because he sees "how destructive it is."


If the Father is Soft/Submissive in the face of his son's disrespect, the son will become Proud of his overcoming Father and become Domineering.


Either way, the Father is frustrated because he isn't getting the Respect he instinctively craves from his Son.


Son is frustrated because he isn't getting the Respect he instinctively craves for from his Father.


But the Son is also frustrated because he doesn't know what his Father wants from him and how to give it to him.

All because the Father doesn't know how to Lead his son WITH RESPECT to EARN RESPECT.


And Honor.


So, instead, they'll end up hating each other and the son will become the opposite of his father.


But since one is just a compensation of the other, they're both Wound-Driven.


The Domineering ones will be overly relying on their force and Judge everyone all the time, including their next-generation sons, turning them into Soft & Submissive.


And the Submissive ones will never Judge absolutely anyone because they see their Irritation as evil, eventually turning their sons into Domineering ones.


So one way or another, they will both be carrying the same Masculine Wound.

Their Wounds will just be expressed as their opposites.


But...


Whether it's hot or cold, it's always temperature.


Whether it's Submissive or Domineering, it's always absent of Healthy Leadership. Either he fixes that, or he will pass it on to the next generation.



 

The author is Maros Cincura, a Men's Relationship Coach.

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